A Decade Late?

As most all of you know I got engaged to Corey Sylvestre on September 27th. We have gotten to know one another over the last year and have grown to love and really appreciate each other. I can't wait to be his bride on May 11th.

Since our engagement I have started the much anticipated wedding planning. Most of it has been fun, exciting and what I hoped it would be. Some of it, not so much.

As I was starting this process, I began noticing a trend in my friends' facebook statuses. "Happy ten years, honey!" "Can't believe we've been together a decade!" "Just got back from celebrating ten years of marriage!" These are my friends who married their college sweethearts.

Honestly, my late twenties were incredibly difficult as a single surround by couples in love and starting families but as many dear friends reminded me, the Lord knows what He is doing and knows my needs.

I've always wanted marriage and children but my heart's desires have also been pretty broad. I love traveling and being with people from different cultures from my own. I constantly feel the tugs and tensions of the dual country girl/city girl parts of my personality. I love being deeply involved in the lives of many young believers and watching their faith take shape and the Gospel take root. I love to work and to create systems for clearer management and function to make the team I'm on more effective. I love being a resource for people and to network friends for personal, spiritual and professional growth.

I share these desires because I've gotten to experience all of them in this sometimes not so easy decade of singleness. By the Lord's amazing grace, I've lived in South Africa for 2 summers, spent 2 weeks in Cape Town on a missions' trip, traveled to India, gone to Europe many times and gotten to live for the last 5 years in one of the most diverse, amazing cities in the world, NYC.! Because of these experiences, I have friends from around the world who have taught me so much about life, the world and myself. For the years after grad school, I got to live within 45 minutes of my family and continue being the country girl that I am. THEN, I got to move to New York and let that part of my heart flourish and grow. My time in New York has been priceless in terms of expanding my horizons, my view of what I am capable of and where I can go in my future. Some of the leaders of our culture are my friends. Little 'ol me :). Over the last ten years, I have been a part of women's groups where I've grown to know God in deep ways. Each of those women are treasures to me and have made lasting, eternal impacts on my life. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. My jobs with UNC Charlotte, Campus Outreach and Redeemer have developed me into a professional and given me skills & experiences beyond what I had planned for or dreamed of. I've been able to use my gifts, talents and education broadly and with lasting impact. I've had opportunities to write, speak and do the nitty gritty of ministry in a full time capacity.

I know that I have been able to leave my current context for extended times because of my singleness. I can decide that my budget can be shifted to meet goals like going to India or Cape Town or France or to live in this crazy expensive town. I can devote myself to work and ministry and to more people. I could only build this many deep relationships over the last ten years because I've had the capacity of single woman.

I'm writing most of this for myself to remember all God has done. While all of these things are true in hindsight, this prolonged season of singleness has not been a rosy one. Church has been an incredibly hard place for me. Church is often a time for family while I've spent Sundays trying not to cry. Dating is a cruel, brutal pathway to finding an honorable man worthy of partnership (don't get me started on how crappy online dating can be). Babysitting my friends' children is an incredible delight and also a painful reminder. Buying two cars, a house, renting an apartment in New York City, joining churches, changing jobs, going through broken hearts and grief, leaving family, moving, handling finances are not things to be done alone for the weary at heart. Especially the rent a New York apartment one! These are things that my lovely, wonderful friends who are celebrating that decade mark have done together. I know they have struggled as well and no walk on this earth is without pain. BUT, having a partner in the pain does make the burden lighter. My single girlfriends have definitely done some of that for me in many circumstances.

I share these personal thoughts with you mainly to highlight God's sovereign plan in my life. Over the last ten years I've prayed prayers that God didn't answer the way I wanted him to. I prayed to marry men that weren't my husband and now in hindsight, I'm so grateful that His ways are not my ways and His thoughts are above my thoughts. I'm thankful He gave me time to have deep roots with my family and wings to see the world and love people with awesome accents different from my southern draw.

God knows that if I were among those sweet friends who are on their third or fourth child now, that I easily could have been bitter or feeling trapped. He knew that I needed this time to experience Him and to fulfill some of my heart's desires. There were many days in my singleness that I couldn't even identify my real desires because they were so masked by my desire for marriage. But, my sweet Jesus knew them all the while.

I guess my point is...marriage is not coming to me a decade late. It is in His perfect timing. Corey is the right man and this is the right time. I think I will be a much better wife to Corey now than I would have been ten years ago (largely because of your friendship). I tried to know these things in the midst of the loneliness but honestly couldn't see it most of the time. That is why I write it now.

To God be the Glory for Corey, for you, for the secret prayerful tears that stained my pillow when I was 27 and so single & for our wedding day, May 11th.

Here are few sneak peeks at some of our engagement pictures: