Despair

utter loss of hope; to lose heart

For whatever reason this word has sadly come up in my life a lot lately.  I have several very dear friends going through heart wrenching experiences. I am too. Experiences you don't and won't put into words because it hurts too much and doesn't do it justice.

Yet as I turned my corner on Monday night, on my very sophisticated upper west side block, I saw the face of real despair. This young lady, not more than 20, was wearing despair in her eyes and on her countenance. Now being in New York three years as of today, I have seen people crying on the train, walking down the street, in the park, in a restaurant. It is almost a weekly occurrence. I've even heard my neighbor sobbing and I am sure they've heard me. While I used to cry in my car down south, there is no private place to cry in the city. It is all out there for every other New Yorker to see.

This brief encounter with this young lady on my block keeps coming to my mind. Her face caught me first. What was in her hand I saw a few seconds later. My naive, southern self would not have known what it was except for my fascination with the show Intervention. She was holding burned aluminium foil and coming up from stairs to a closed business with another woman clearly not connected to reality. I have no idea what the drug of choice was for them but my heart broke. Tangible despair.

Again last night this word DESPAIR came up in fellowship group. We were digging into Hebrews chapter 1 together. We were looking at Christ...the radiance of God's Glory, the exact representation of His being, the one who laid the foundations of the earth, who's years will never end. Sweet Katherine pointed out that a clear application after our observation & interpretation (thanks, Adriana, for teaching us) was not to despair. Christ is the same. All will perish but He will remain.

Tim Keller writes in Counterfeit Gods that the difference between sorrow and despair is idolatry. If the Christ of Hebrews 1 is on my heart, in my eyes, determining my countenance, I may have sorrow. Deep sorrow but I will not despair.

I may still cry on the subway platform from time to time but know the radiance of God's glory is near to me, holding me and keeping me from despair. I pray this young woman I saw on Monday night who I do not know will soon find Christ and despair no more. Pray with me.